Monday, January 18, 2010


I've been thinking about this blog lately, or, rather, I haven't been thinking about this blog lately.

It's like... I have no new thoughts on liturgy or music.

I feel as though I'm just coming out of a really incredible journey (in a sense) from this stage of my life. I would say it started probably in... 2006 sometime? What I mean by a journey is, that I've been through all of these phases and wondering all sorts of questions and talking to lots of people and reading tons and trying to figure everything out about (wait for it...) the perfect liturgy and how music relates to it.

But I feel like I've kind of explored every nook and cranny of this big old room, and I've finally just decided to sit down and curl up by the fire.

In my own mind, I've straightened up some things; realized some are more important than I used to think, others are less important, and that there certainly are negotiable areas. However, I'm certainly not done with my intellectual wanderings, and no doubt I will still continue to change my mind about more things, and discover other things.

But...the whole purpose of this blog (for me) has been to share my questions and my thoughts and observations and rants, and now I feel like these are becoming less and less common, as my own opinions become more steady.

so, yeah. that's all for now.


Anonymous said...

Does this mean it's over? Say it ain't so. No way you've achieved liturgical music nirvana, just when this was getting good! As a devoted fan, I must beg you to reconsider.

totustuusmaria said...

You've definitely identified a problem that I have had, Mara. For much of my life my thought has been in constant flux and development. First there was my discipleship at Warriors for Christ and Mission Christ, then my "conversion" to Catholicism, then the whole "Charismatic Question" reared its ugly head, then there was the all my liturgical learning. You have to stick Mary and a bunch of other things into there, but you get the picture: constant flow, constantly learning. Well, I'm really quite stable now. I remember how blogs and websites used to enthrall me that I simply ignore now because I have no desire to go over THAT again for the zillionth time. Sometimes I meet with people who are still excited about things that have been long settled in my heart. I find I don't even really have the desire to debate with them or sometimes even to teach them the things I've learned. It's like I just want to move on with my life.

I think I know what St. Paul said when he lamented to the Hebrews that despite the long time they'd been with Christ, he still needed to give them milk, not solid food. A lot of me just wishes a lot of these questions were non-issues, that we could move past them to the meat of the Gospel. It distresses me to think how much of my life might be taken up in trying to convince others of these that I have learned to assume.

But I guess that's the way in any field. One of my philosophy professors told me that he sees no point in even dialoging with people who don't agree on certain fundamental assumptions. Unfortunately, I don't have that liberty. The average parish is full of people who will quite happily get up in arms about things that I think of as blase.

God have mercy on us all!

"I refer, for example, to a Mass at which there must be so many candles, neither more nor fewer; which has to be said by the priest in such or such a way; and must be at such or such an hour, and neither sooner nor later; and must be after a certain day, neither sooner nor later; and the prayers and stations must be made at such and such times, with such or such ceremonies, and neither sooner nor later nor in any other manner; and the person who makes them must have such or such qualities or qualifications. And there are those who think that, if any of these details which they have laid down be wanting, nothing is accomplished." -St John of the Cross

(Just give me a congregation that is willing to trust the Church and prefers prayer to contention...wait...that doesn't exist)