Monday, April 02, 2007

tonight's the night...

...the night I've been dreading for 3 years.
My senior recital!
For the past 4 years (since I've started playing the organ,) I always think, "oh, I'll practice more tomorrow, or next week, or after spring break, or over the summer..." etc.
But now...
there is no tomorrow. there is only tonight.
and I know that I cannot play any of my pieces perfectly even when I'm alone, much less when there' s an audience sitting behind me.
And all those times when I've thought, "oh, I'll practice harder tomorrow?" do I regret it?
not sure. I've had an otherwise fabulous college experience, which I doubt I would have had I spent 3-4 hours a day locked up in a dark and lonely practice room!
but now, whatever my decisions were on all those individual days when I prioritized my time, and each day by itself seemed to be not all that important, I now look back and realize how collectively it will all make a difference.
My not-so-musically literate friends who have heard me (imperfectly) play my pieces have honestly told me they didn't hear any mistakes. which is why I haven't invited many musicians...tee hee...
but I know the few will hear the mistakes, or some of them. but it doesn't matter.
As the nice note my boss left for me yesterday reminds me, I am playing for God. The end goal being that of helping people to worship God better while at church.
The Glory of God.

Soli Deo Gloria

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I was going to go, but I had to schedule a choir practice tonight! I'm sure you'll do well!

I'm reminded of when I gave my very first hour-long recital. I did well, but when I got to the Ave Maria by Liszt, I heard a phone beeping... and beeping... and beeping... It was TERRIBLY distracting, and the distraction destroyed my playing! It turned out to be my own phone in the loft, but that's not the point of the story. The point is that when I finished, this one obnoxious friend of my mother came up to me and went on and on about how beautiful the Ave Maria was and how she was in tears because it was so lovely :P I told that story to one of my friends and, as he put it, "Whatever YOU think of your performance, you never know how much your playing may still have touched someone."

Of course, by the time you read this, I'm sure you'll be well done with the recital and have holy week on your mind :P